Having Rheumatoid Arthritis in Law School

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve wanted to be a lawyer. When I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis at 18 years old, I wondered if I was still going to be able to accomplish my dreams of pursuing higher education. Law school is a physically, emotionally, and mentally vigorous experience. I knew that I was going to experience a major increase in stress, which often causes more frequent flare-ups. Now that I’ve completed half of my law degree, I feel like I’ve learned a lot about how to manage stress and perfectionism in a high-pressure environment.

As a Type A student, I entered law school feeling a sense of imposter syndrome and constantly comparing myself to my peers. I overworked myself, often to the detriment of my physical and mental health. I would spend hours hunched over my textbook, causing stiff wrists, swollen knuckles, and major pain in my shoulders and my back. Once the flare-up became too intense, I would spend days trying to recover and would fall behind in my classes and the cycle would begin again.

I realized that I was so focused on comparing myself to my fellow students, I was forgetting that my chronic illness put me in a completely different position than them. My refusal to acknowledge my disability was causing further harm to my own life. I started to focus on listening to what my body was telling me -- resting when I needed to rest and taking breaks to prevent burnout. Instead of measuring my success by what others without my condition were able to do, now I try to contextualize my experience with what my abilities are at that specific time. If I’m having a flare-up, I give myself the permission to focus on easing my pain instead of overworking myself in my studies, knowing that this will lead to more success overall.

One way that’s been helpful is for me to view my body like it has its own battery life, much like my laptop. If my laptop is already on a low battery, I’m not going to run 15 different apps, play music, and try to check my emails at the same time. I know the battery’s capacity is lower than average so I use the device accordingly. When I see the low battery symbol pop-up, I don’t just ignore it, I recharge my device until it is ready to be used again. Checking in with my body to see how I’m feeling helps me plan what I am able to do that day depending on my capacity.

Many law students find a strict routine very helpful to plan their life around their studies. However, I’ve found that my rheumatoid arthritis is tumultuous and I don’t know what each day will look like until it comes. Routine has often incited shame and guilt in my mind because I feel unsuccessful and unfulfilled if I can’t complete what I planned to. Instead, I try to speak to myself with compassion and empathy. 

My experience as a law student does not resemble the experiences of most of my peers, but I’ve made peace with knowing that I’m still worthy and successful in my own right. I’ve had to learn to make accommodations and remove rigidity from my routines. Despite my challenges, I know that I will make it through and thrive as much as I can as a future lawyer.